Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have already put on my inside pants.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
