The maid of honor just puked.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
