Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He did a backflip because drugs
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