he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
