You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
