Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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