I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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