were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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