Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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