I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
not ubering you a puppy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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