If i come over, it means nothing
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
