I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
