Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
