planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
