Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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