Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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