did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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