So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
