it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
