Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
