Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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