I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize