What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
