Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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