you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
