My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
