Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
