Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
