Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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