So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
