Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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