sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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