Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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