can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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