I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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