I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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