I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
