Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
