shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Randomize
