Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
