my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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