I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
