Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
tequila makes me forget i have legs
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
