They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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