I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
