I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
