some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
