Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
