No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
