But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You are the jesus of drinking
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
