whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
