dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
