I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You need Xanax blowdarts
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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