u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I want her autograph on my taint
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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