Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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