You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
