In America we eat man semen.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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