Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
